5 Reasons Why We’re Not Confident AF Yet And What To Do About Them
1.We don’t trust our intuition.
Rather than listening to our gut, we let fear stop us. The voice of the little devil on our shoulder is louder than that of the angel. Instead of dialing up the volume of the angel’s voice and listening to it, we’re falling into the traps of what the devil is saying because we don’t know how to dial down the devil’s voice. The devil is our ego keeping us where it wants us to stay: in our comfort zone. Got a new idea? “Well it’s not going to work out anyways,” is what the ego/devil will say. We can tame our ego by getting out of our comfort zone more often. Or by learning how to listen to our body and differentiating between the devil and the angel’s voice. Let’s ask ourselves: Am I afraid because I’m comfortable? If yes, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t get uncomfortable because success always waits outside our comfort zone.
2. We’re letting our worries about what others think about us stop us from taking the next step.
Is my mom going to disinherit me when I say I can’t stand her new boyfriend? Is my best friend gonna hate me when I tell her she looks fat in that dress? Is my partner still going to love me if I share my fetish with him? Again, that’s fear stopping us. Our true friends and family are going to support us no matter what. They may not agree with us, but they won’t stop loving us! And if they did stop, let’s get rid of them and let’s make space for people who love us.
3. We don’t love ourselves enough.
We don’t think we’re awesome enough so that people listen to what we have to say. We’re standing in the mirror thinking: “My nose is too big. Wouldn’t look good on video. There’s a big fat pimple on my forehead – eww? Who would want to see that? My voice is too high. People don’t wanna listen to me talk for 5 minutes. And I curse. F*ck. Nobody’s gonna wanna hear that.” We’re not embracing our imperfections that are making us unique and which will attract others to us. Let’s in front of a mirror and smile at ourselves. Tell ourselves what we love about ourselves. Write ourselves a damn love letter.
4. We’re still holding on to old patterns, beliefs, or habits
…such as “I’m not good enough,” “Who am I to talk about this,” “I don’t deserve the success I’d be getting from showing up and sharing my truth.” Let’s write them down. Tell’em #byefelicia. Burn these mofos! Release them. Forgive ourselves for holding on to them. Make space to welcome love, light, and confidence.
5. We’re allowing our past to hold us back.
Someone has told us what we want to do will fail because they failed. OR we’ve tried what we want to do in the past and failed. Thus, our brain has saved these past “failures” as the truth. But maybe it’s just a lesson we had to learn to improve the next time we try. Because maybe the next time we try will be the time we succeed because we’ve learned this lesson. But if we stop trying, we’ll never figure out if we could have succeeded. #oops.
Now you may think, this sounds easy, but wait…. I’m still struggling, Jenny!!
If you’re not confident AF yet, I’ve put together my BEST hypnosis techniques into a 6 day subconscious reprogramming challenge, so you can get confident AF and finally do the sh*t you’ve been wanting to do:
- Publish that book, podcast, online course,
- Ask your crush out
- Quit your job
- Move away
- Tell someone the truth
- Say no to whatever it is you don’t want to do.
When you sign up, you will receive 6 hypnosis recordings that are going to make you confident AF. You will be part of a Facebook group where you can meet like-minded people and make friends, as well as get some extra recordings, journaling prompts and an FAQ video about hypnosis.
What we must do now, so our future generations can do better
I’m writing this to encourage everyone to take a critical look at how we have been raised and how we are raising our generations to come. Because THAT is the key to destroying racism and discrimination at its root. If we don’t radically change how we’re raising future generations, racism and discrimination will stay alive and well.
Black people and people of color (POC) can fight with love and compassion, or complain, loot, and fight for their rights with violence, and laws and surface level stuff can be amended, but nothing is going to happen. Not much has happened for centuries. Current events are proof. Same thing, but a different person and a different hashtag.
Nobody was born racist. Nobody was born with hatred against other people. That’s a fact.
However, as children, our subconscious minds (the 95% of our brain where beliefs, habits, memories are stored) do not yet have a filter, so whatever parents, family members, and later on teachers and friends teach us, will stick with us, even if we’re not consciously aware of it.
And in the unfortunate event that we’re being taught racism and judgment rather than tolerance and acceptance, empathy and love, we’re carrying on how our parents were raised.
My grandparents were raised during World War II. My grandmother told me at 17: “He’s African [he had African heritage, but was born in Oman]. Be careful and use a condom because he may have AIDS.” When she met him, she was not judgmental at all in his face, and he loved how she carried herself. My grandfather used the n-word, but – same thing: when he met my ex, they got along.
My father was raised by grandparents from World War II and listens to radio news all the time. Guess what’s on German radio a lot? Negative news about immigrants; hence, his sometimes racist remarks against other nationalities. Never once have I seen him act racist towards one of my friends. And if you know me, I have dozens of friends from all kinds of backgrounds.
Thankfully, what helped me not take on their beliefs was that I was fortunate enough to not only travel, but also have an innate curiosity towards other cultures; thus, always wanting to learn from classmates and other people with different roots than my own.
We are conditioned by how we grew up. We are conditioned by news sources. We are conditioned by what we feed our subconscious minds on a daily basis (and they take on EVERY little detail (search for “Derren Brown advertising” on YouTube).
That’s why I want us look at
- What we’re feeding ourselves in the form of other people’s opinions, beliefs, and values (loved ones, news, political parties, etc.)
- And what we’re feeding our children from the same sources as above as well as us as their source.
Secondly, I want us to look at our behavior towards ourselves and other humans.
We as people all “cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die,” as Maya Angelou suggested. We are all the same. But, again, if we’re fed by our parents, teachers, and friends, that we’re not, we will not feel one with all. We will keep on discriminating against each other based on sex, age, weight, skin color, and other factors.
And this stems from the need for more power. One group of people views themselves as stronger, better, or more advanced than another. One group of people needs to compensate for their lack of feeling good enough, their lack of feeling worthy, their lack of self-love.
If we truly felt that we’re one with all and all is one with us, if we truly felt enough love for ourselves and thought of ourselves as worthy, we wouldn’t feel the need to have power over another person. Because we would view them to have the same worth as us.
The problem is that most of us are born this way, but only some of us are aware of it and make an effort to fix it.
That’s why I encourage us to look at ourselves. Heal our trauma. Heal our wounds. Love ourselves first, so we can give from a full cup and have others love and respect us the way we love and respect ourselves.
Once we’ve understood and internalized this, we can teach it to our children.
And a few more practical ways and not-so-hippie-dippie ways to teach our future generations tolerance and acceptance include
- Taking them traveling and introducing them to new foods, cultures, and people, so they grow up with an understanding that cultural differences don’t mean superiority or inferiority
- Encouraging them to be curious about other humans and why they feel a certain way or were born in a certain way
- Teach them that they’re worthy and that we all come from whatever created us and go back to the same place.
How to Stop Dating F*c! Boys and Finally Allow Good Guys to Treat You the Way You Deserve
Trigger warning: If you don’t believe in the Law of Attraction or the power of your subconscious mind, please close this article. I am also NOT victim shaming. I’m simply sharing what helped me and what could help you. If you have your own interpretation of what I write, that’s not for me to deal with. And please read the entire article before commenting.
“Baby, I only got one minute,” he said.
“What’s up? Where are you?”
“I’m in jail. They got me.”
“For what?”
“I’m going in for someone else. Please tell my mom. I love you.”
“But…”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
He had hung up.
To this day, I don’t know if what he said was true because his record of lies was as bad as his criminal record and even longer than that.
He had cheated. Several times.
Promised to pay me back money I had lent him. And so on.
You would think I finally kicked him to the curb after he went to jail.
But no, we had been here before. This time, I even visited him there. And to my amusement, he accused me to have flirted with the guards. Even though I had forgiven him all the above and still stuck with him.
Can you see what kind of guy he was?
Four years on and off I kept going back.
When we were off for a while, I dated an alcoholic. The alcoholic’s second girlfriend answered his phone on Valentine’s Day. She told me he had shot his ex-wife in the butt while she was pregnant. Now THAT was even too much for me to handle, and so it wasn’t a problem for me to leave this dude. His second girlfriend stayed for a few months after.
Another time, me and the first guy were off, I seduced a guy who was in a relationship going downhill. We got drunk at one of my house parties.
Nothing really happened because the alcohol had gotten the best (or worst) of us, so we fell asleep.
I woke up with his friend touching me down there. Is there something like finger raping? Whatever it’s called, the friend was definitely violating me.
Would you believe me now that I know what I’m talking about when I said f*c! boys?
The guys I date today would never believe my past. They are the kindest, sweetest, most giving and loving people I’ve met. They arrange for dates, pay everything, hold doors, push chairs, some even ask for permission before they kiss me, call me their queen and treat me like a Goddess.
But what happened in between? What changed?
The simple answer is: I. I have changed.
My behavior. My standards. My confidence.
Also, I found out what had led me to dating bad boys in the first place.
And I learned about the Law of Attraction.
I discovered the role I had played into who I had attracted – consciously and subconsciously – meaning knowingly and unknowingly.
First, I want to clarify something: I’m not saying that us as women are at fault or attract sexual harassment, rape, or the like consciously, meaning knowingly.
However, what I’m saying is that when we were children, our subconscious minds were wide open, taking on anything without questioning it. We stored beliefs, patterns as well as whatever our parents, friends, and teachers said. These can include: “I am not worthy of XYZ [money, love, etc.]. I am lazy. I am ugly.” If we never work through these as adults, we can attract circumstances into our life unknowingly because our subconscious minds’ programs rule our lives.
Turns out, I did just that:
In my childhood, my “normal” was seeing my parents fight, my dad being violent at times – in short, chaos became my comfort zone. Drama, screaming, and arguments were what I was used to. I didn’t know what a loving relationship was supposed to look like. As a young woman, this subconscious comfort zone resulted in me attracting guys who meant drama, screaming, and arguments. Anything far from a functioning relationship. Anything far from love, loyalty, trust and respect. I didn’t value myself back then. I lacked respect for myself. And I didn’t know about self-love. Nobody had ever taught me.
But I began to get tired of what my “love” life was. I looked at other couple’s healthy relationships and I wondered why I never went for the nice guys. I had met them. Definitely. At first I thought they bored me. But in fact, “nice” was out of my comfort zone. It made me uncomfortable. It was new to me. Nice was unknown territory. Here are a few examples of what I reacted to nice things nice guys did.
They’d compliment me.
My reaction: “What? How can you think I’m beautiful?”
All my subconscious mind had taken on during childhood was “Your hips are too big,” “Your ass is too fat,” “Your boobs are too small.” My subconscious mind established these beliefs as truths. Consciously, I knew they were wrong, but because our subconscious makes up 95% of our brain, the conscious 5% were easily overpowered.
Nice guys would invite me for lunch or dinner.
My reaction: “What do you mean you want to pay for me?”
My subconscious mind was confused. All it had known prior was to work for what I wanted and to always owe someone something in exchange for what they had given me.
Nice guys told me they loved me.
My reaction: “You love me? Sh*t, is it too late to run? Uuuuh, ok… Thank you, I guess?”
How could I be able to accept a guy who had only known me for a short while to tell me they loved me without me loving myself? I had never heard these words growing up. NEVER. From anyone; my parents didn’t throw these words around. My love language is quality time, but nobody in my childhood was able to properly give me that. So it took me 25 years until I understood people had different ways of expressing love besides verbalizing it.
Anyway, so before my last quarter at university, I made the decision that I could no longer date f*c! boys. I wanted better. I was about to start a new job, a new chapter of my life, and if I wanted to stay in Los Angeles (which I did), I had to take care of myself.
I couldn’t be lied to or cheated on anymore, let alone deal with the gangster sh!t these grown men were getting into. But no matter what they had done, forgiving them included compassion and the knowledge and acceptance that they, too, were only acting off of what had been programmed into their subconscious mind during their childhood, which was most likely a whole lot worse than mine.
When I decided to stop dating f*c! boys, the gentlemen entered my life. Hallelujah. Slowly but surely, they taught me that kindness can be sexy. That love means loyalty, support, care, and respect. Jealousy, lying, and cheating weren’t the norm anymore.
At the same time, I started my self-development journey, engulfed in books, videos, podcasts, and seminars to become the best version of myself.
I changed how I viewed myself.
I started acting with more love and honoring my truth.
I cut out people from my life that weren’t up to my standards anymore.
I quit excessive drinking.
I learned how to say no.
I became the person I wanted to be with. The person I would love if I surrounded myself with her.
That took years. But it’s been an incredibly rewarding journey.
And the better I became, the quality of people who entered my life increased.
I also stepped out of victim mode. Instead of blaming others, I ask myself how I could have avoided certain situations and how I could improve.
Letting the role of a victim fall off me has been by far the most empowering thing I have done.
At the end of the day, I am the creator of my life. I decide what’s happening. I choose my reality. It all starts with me. The bad and the good. And I choose the good.
If you wonder why I’m not speaking about having found The One, I’m simply not ready and available to make this commitment yet. As soon as I am, this guy is going to be the best guy I’ve ever met. Why? Because the guys I meet just keep getting better and better and The One will not be an exception!
Don’t wait for your abuser to change, change yourself
“Is my abuser ever going to change / heal?”
“Is it worth to wait for my abuser to change / heal?”
Your abuser is not going to change until he wants to. And if he does, it is worth the wait? I can’t tell you.
But what I can tell you is to examine yourself:
Why do you keep attracting abusers? People who need to change? Assholes? Cheaters?
Is trying to change them giving you a reason to be with them?
Is trying to change them making you feel better about yourself?
You probably don’t want to hear this, but get real with yourself.
Fact is, you attract what you put out (even if it’s subconsciously – aka sometimes unknowingly).
Fact is, if you’re responsible for all the good things that happen to you in this life, you’re also responsible for all the bad things. Yeah, I said it.
And it took me a while to understand this.
I used to attract guys who would cheat on me. Alcoholics. A guy who finger-raped me.
On Valentine’s Day 2011, I called my ex. A woman picked up while he was passed out drunk, snoring right next to us while we were on the phone for the next 2 hours going over his double life. He even told both of us that “Grenade” by Bruno Mars was meant for us.
In October 2010, I had too much to drink, wanting to hook up with a guy who was (unhappily) engaged. Drunk as we were, nothing really happened and we ended up sleeping next to each other as his friend crept into my room and thought it was ok to put his hands into my pants and my va-jay-jay.
Another ex had been cheating on me countless times, always claiming I was the one he’d always loved. I kept going back. As things seemed to be going smoothly for the first time, I thought he had changed. But then, in February 2013, he called me from jail. “Baby, I only got one minute.” After abusive phone conversations and accusations that I would flirt with the guards, I left him.
A few months later, I told myself no more. There had been enough bad guys, cheating, and abusing in my life. Enough tears, enough heartbreak, enough pain.
But for this to stop I realized I had to change myself. I had to love myself. I had to see myself worthy of the right kind of love. Worthy of being with good guys. Worthy of their love. I had to hold myself to higher standards. I had to let go of the need for drama.
But why had I never done this before?
With the help of my hypnotherapist and coach, I realized drama and chaos were my comfort zone when I was a child. Being happy and loved were “uncomfortable” for me. That’s why I kept choosing relationships were I found drama and chaos and stayed in my comfort zone.
As children we live with our subconscious minds still open, which means we store childhood experience and things parents, teachers, and friends say without filtering them if they’re going to serve us in the long term. Due to my parents’ relationship, their fighting, their behavior, and their divorce, my subconscious had stored drama and chaos as the norm. Love and happiness were not the norm; they were out of my comfort zone.
What also helped me was that I was going to get out of college and into the real world. I was going to start a job, have to take care of myself and couldn’t be bothered by any more alcoholics, anyone in jail, or anyone treating me badly.
And even though it’s been a tough process, I made it happen. I never dated abusers, alcoholics, or cheaters again.
I’m not saying your abuser doesn’t deserve the blame. What I’m saying is, before you keep blaming your abusers, look at what you tolerate. Look at how you treat yourself. Look at how much you love yourself. Look at what you invite into your life.
Don’t be afraid to examine your own flaws. Don’t be afraid to dive into your past for answers. Awareness of them is the first step to change. Don’t be afraid of change. If good intentions are behind your reason of wanting to change, you will change for the better without a doubt.
Love yourself first. Respect yourself first. Hold yourself to the highest standards.
And you will attract people who do the same.
Benefits of Past Life Regression Therapy
Two of the most well-known past life regression authors, Brian Weiss, MD and Michael Newton, Ph.D admitted that they were the biggest skeptics until their patients proved them wrong. They turned from Counseling Psychologist and Psychiatrist into full-on past life regression and reincarnation experts of the Western World.
Past Life Regression — have you ever heard that word? Chances are yes, if you’re in a spiritual community. But in case you haven’t, past life regression hypnosis sessions can take you back to your past lives (whether you believe in them or not) and resolve karmic lessons, relieve you from physical or emotional pain, cure phobias, let you meet members of your soul family, have you become more comfortable with death, more intuitive, as well as more fearless, so you can live limitlessly. But not only that, they can also help you reconnect with your soul, spirit guides, and even The Masters.
How does past life regression therapy work?
Past life regression is a form of hypnosis (= guided meditation with a purpose). Your hypnotist will first guide you to relax your body and mind, so your brain is running on theta brain waves, slower than our day-to-day usual beta brain waves, and a bit faster than delta aka sleep brain waves. During the theta state, you can access your subconscious mind — where all memories and habits are stored, even from before birth.
Then your hypnotist will use guided imagery to help you get to your past lives. During hypnosis, you will be able to speak to your hypnotist and tell him / her about what’s going on. S/he will be able to guide you to what’s happening next or other significant scenes of past lifetimes. S/he can also lead you to the scene of your death, which is important to learn about lessons from past lifetimes as well as to help you connect with your soul, the space that Michael Newton, Ph.D has coined Life Between Lives.
What are the benefits of past life regression therapy?
The benefits of past life regression range widely. In his book Healing Through Time, past life regression hypnotherapist Brian Weiss, MD recalls a number of various cases of individuals who have healed physical as well as emotional issues, karmic lessons, and many other current life problems (i.e relationship problems) all thanks to past life regression.
My own clients have gained a deeper understanding of themselves, as well as of life itself. Thanks to the assistance of their spirit guides and the Masters my clients have channeled, they have received life-changing lessons and guidance that only Source (God, the Universe) can provide. They learned about their soul’s purpose and understood why people (parents and partners, for example) have entered or exited their lives and what they were supposed to teach each other.
All of this results in a stronger intuition and trust in themselves as well as more self-love and confidence.
As a nice side effect for me, I gained more confidence in what I do, what I’ve seen and heard, and why I do what I do. The Masters have told me and a client once that we should spread the word about souls and soul’s purposes.
Is past life regression real?
How can you prove that past life regression is real?
For one, you can ask every past life regression therapist about their experience. All of us share the same stories, even with clients from different countries and different walks of life. Our clients can regress to past lives and are able to connect with their soul. Even skeptics who never believed in past lives, but were curious enough to undergo a past life regression session, were able to see their past lives.
Whenever clients were able to channel spirit guides (advanced souls in non-physical form that protect and guide us) or The Masters (a collective of super-evolved souls) and past life regression therapists have asked questions about souls, their answers would always match up. For more on these similarities, read Brian Weiss’ Many Lives Many Masters or Michael Newton’s Journey of Souls.
When you look closer into Near Death Experiences (NDE’s), you will also find that patients’ accounts resemble each other precisely. They refer to a bright light that “calls them home,” to where there’s only love and peace. Depending on culture, people go through a tunnel or cross a bridge to reach that light where they also reunite with already-deceased people and the rest of their soul family. They come back and aren’t afraid of death anymore because they’ve seen that death leads you to a peaceful place. But they also come back knowing that they have not fulfilled their lesson yet.
Scientists and psychologists are trying to prove NDE’s as well as the existence of souls with recording and documenting data, etc. But as advanced as we humans are, we have to accept that we cannot see everything, hear everything nor comprehend everything that this world has to offer. And we don’t have to. As long as something works for you or others, i.e. past life regressions, why not simply receive the benefits with gratitude rather than questioning if it can be scientifically proven? The need of humans to prove and explain everything is the need of those who are afraid to trust the Unknown or Inexplicable.
Will you encounter the same souls during different lives?
Absolutely. Souls are reincarnated numerous times into various bodies. That’s where the concepts of soulmates and twin flames come from.
You recognize soulmates (your soul family) as people you connect with easily from the very start. It feels as if you’ve known each other forever. Sometimes, you may dream about them and see their past, present, or future. Soulmates will teach you important lessons throughout your lifetime(s), so both of you can advance as souls. At some point you will have advanced enough to not return back to earth in a physical body.
How can I know my past life partner?
If you decide to partake in a past life regression, you can set an intention beforehand of meeting your current life partner in a past life or meeting a past life partner you’re going to meet in your current life.
Are there negative effects of past life regressions?
According to the Association of Regression Research and Therapy, 3 % of subjects felt worse after a regression, 27 % felt no change, and 70 % felt improvements. The risk of feeling worse is thus extremely low, especially if you’re a mentally healthy person.
Statistics on hypnosis in general, however, from the American Health Magazine and the Psychotherapy Magazine demonstrate that hypnosis has a 93 % success rate at only 6 sessions, compared to Behavior Therapy with a 72 % success rate at 22 sessions and Psychoanlaysis with a success rate of 38 % at 600 sessions.
Who is past life regression for?
I can recommend past life regression hypnosis sessions to everyone who longs for a deeper understanding of themselves and life. If you want to explore your past lives or meet a soulmate, relieve karmic debt, and more, past life regression is also for you.
All in all, positive side effects by far surpass negative ones, and the more sessions you do, the calmer, more intuitive, loving, and understanding you will become.