5 Reasons Why We’re Not Confident AF Yet And What To Do About Them

1.We don’t trust our intuition. 

Rather than listening to our gut, we let fear stop us. The voice of the little devil on our shoulder is louder than that of the angel. Instead of dialing up the volume of the angel’s voice and listening to it, we’re falling into the traps of what the devil is saying because we don’t know how to dial down the devil’s voice. The devil is our ego keeping us where it wants us to stay: in our comfort zone. Got a new idea? “Well it’s not going to work out anyways,” is what the ego/devil will say. We can tame our ego by getting out of our comfort zone more often. Or by learning how to listen to our body and differentiating between the devil and the angel’s voice. Let’s ask ourselves: Am I afraid because I’m comfortable? If yes, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t get uncomfortable because success always waits outside our comfort zone.

2. We’re letting our worries about what others think about us stop us from taking the next step. 

Is my mom going to disinherit me when I say I can’t stand her new boyfriend? Is my best friend gonna hate me when I tell her she looks fat in that dress? Is my partner still going to love me if I share my fetish with him? Again, that’s fear stopping us. Our true friends and family are going to support us no matter what. They may not agree with us, but they won’t stop loving us! And if they did stop, let’s get rid of them and let’s make space for people who love us.

3. We don’t love ourselves enough. 

We don’t think we’re awesome enough so that people listen to what we have to say. We’re standing in the mirror thinking: “My nose is too big. Wouldn’t look good on video. There’s a big fat pimple on my forehead – eww? Who would want to see that? My voice is too high. People don’t wanna listen to me talk for 5 minutes. And I curse. F*ck. Nobody’s gonna wanna hear that.” We’re not embracing our imperfections that are making us unique and which will attract others to us. Let’s in front of a mirror and smile at ourselves. Tell ourselves what we love about ourselves. Write ourselves a damn love letter.

4. We’re still holding on to old patterns, beliefs, or habits 

…such as “I’m not good enough,” “Who am I to talk about this,” “I don’t deserve the success I’d be getting from showing up and sharing my truth.” Let’s write them down. Tell’em #byefelicia. Burn these mofos! Release them. Forgive ourselves for holding on to them. Make space to welcome love, light, and confidence.

5. We’re allowing our past to hold us back. 

Someone has told us what we want to do will fail because they failed. OR we’ve tried what we want to do in the past and failed. Thus, our brain has saved these past “failures” as the truth. But maybe it’s just a lesson we had to learn to improve the next time we try. Because maybe the next time we try will be the time we succeed because we’ve learned this lesson. But if we stop trying, we’ll never figure out if we could have succeeded. #oops. 

Now you may think, this sounds easy, but wait…. I’m still struggling, Jenny!! 

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• Move away
• Tell someone the truth
• Say no to whatever it is you don’t want to do.

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What we must do now, so our future generations can do better

I’m writing this to encourage everyone to take a critical look at how we have been raised and how we are raising our generations to come. Because THAT is the key to destroying racism and discrimination at its root. If we don’t radically change how we’re raising future generations, racism and discrimination will stay alive and well. 

Black people and people of color (POC) can fight with love and compassion, or complain, loot, and fight for their rights with violence, and laws and surface level stuff can be amended, but nothing is going to happen. Not much has happened for centuries. Current events are proof. Same thing, but a different person and a different hashtag. 

Nobody was born racist. Nobody was born with hatred against other people. That’s a fact.

However, as children, our subconscious minds (the 95% of our brain where beliefs, habits, memories are stored) do not yet have a filter, so whatever parents, family members, and later on teachers and friends teach us, will stick with us, even if we’re not consciously aware of it. 

And in the unfortunate event that we’re being taught racism and judgment rather than tolerance and acceptance, empathy and love, we’re carrying on how our parents were raised. 

My grandparents were raised during World War II. My grandmother told me at 17: “He’s African [he had African heritage, but was born in Oman]. Be careful and use a condom because he may have AIDS.” When she met him, she was not judgmental at all in his face, and he loved how she carried herself. My grandfather used the n-word, but – same thing: when he met my ex, they got along. 

My father was raised by grandparents from World War II and listens to radio news all the time. Guess what’s on German radio a lot? Negative news about immigrants; hence, his sometimes racist remarks against other nationalities. Never once have I seen him act racist towards one of my friends. And if you know me, I have dozens of friends from all kinds of backgrounds.

Thankfully, what helped me not take on their beliefs was that I was fortunate enough to not only travel, but also have an innate curiosity towards other cultures; thus, always wanting to learn from classmates and other people with different roots than my own.

We are conditioned by how we grew up. We are conditioned by news sources. We are conditioned by what we feed our subconscious minds on a daily basis (and they take on EVERY little detail (search for “Derren Brown advertising” on YouTube). 

That’s why I want us look at 

• What we’re feeding ourselves in the form of other people’s opinions, beliefs, and values (loved ones, news, political parties, etc.)
• And what we’re feeding our children from the same sources as above as well as us as their source.

Secondly, I want us to look at our behavior towards ourselves and other humans.

We as people all “cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die,” as Maya Angelou suggested. We are all the same. But, again, if we’re fed by our parents, teachers, and friends, that we’re not, we will not feel one with all. We will keep on discriminating against each other based on sex, age, weight, skin color, and other factors. 

And this stems from the need for more power. One group of people views themselves as stronger, better, or more advanced than another. One group of people needs to compensate for their lack of feeling good enough, their lack of feeling worthy, their lack of self-love.

If we truly felt that we’re one with all and all is one with us, if we truly felt enough love for ourselves and thought of ourselves as worthy, we wouldn’t feel the need to have power over another person. Because we would view them to have the same worth as us.

The problem is that most of us are born this way, but only some of us are aware of it and make an effort to fix it.

That’s why I encourage us to look at ourselves. Heal our trauma. Heal our wounds. Love ourselves first, so we can give from a full cup and have others love and respect us the way we love and respect ourselves. 

Once we’ve understood and internalized this, we can teach it to our children. 

And a few more practical ways and not-so-hippie-dippie ways to teach our future generations tolerance and acceptance include 

• Taking them traveling and introducing them to new foods, cultures, and people, so they grow up with an understanding that cultural differences don’t mean superiority or inferiority
• Encouraging them to be curious about other humans and why they feel a certain way or were born in a certain way
• Teach them that they’re worthy and that we all come from whatever created us and go back to the same place.